


off the train

by electricangel



Category: Infinity Train (Cartoon)
Genre: Can be seen as romantic or platonic, Cuddling, Fluff, Foster Family, Just dorks being dorks, Nightmares, Nonbinary Character, Other, Platonic Cuddling, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, enby jesse, enby lake, he/they jesse, jesslake - Freeform, they/them lake, trans jesse cosay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-13 02:35:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29021325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/electricangel/pseuds/electricangel
Summary: lake lay in the grass, pulling on their shirt. “what now?” they asked. surely, there was a foster family that could take them in. surely, there was someone out there who could take care of them. right?
Relationships: Jesse Cosay & Nate Cosay, Jesse Cosay/Lake | Mirror Tulip
Kudos: 10





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> psa <3 the reason jesse is referred to with she/her early on is because he hasn’t come out as trans to lake yet! the pronouns will change later on

_what now?_ lake asked themselves as they lay in the grass, tearing it in their fingers and allowing it to fly away in the wind. jesse’s parents would freak out if they saw a metal person waltz into their house, moreover, jesse had been missing for months, and lake guaranteed her parents missed her. after all, jesse couldn’t contact her parents on the train, so they didn’t have any true way of knowing if she was alive. lake lay in the grass, pulling on their shirt. “what now?” they asked. surely, there was a foster family that could take them in. surely, there was someone out there who could take care of them. right? these thoughts played through their mind as they continued tearing grass from the ground. jesse, who’d been talking with her parents, approached them with a smile. “hey.” she said, sitting beside them. “how are you feeling?” “i... i mean, i’m off the train. that’s a start, but...” they paused. “i don’t know... where to go..? your parents have their hands full with two kids as is, and i wouldn’t wanna be any trouble. i was looking into foster families and..” “wait...” jesse glanced down sadly. “you’re not.. staying with us?” “no... i mean.. i don’t wanna trouble you... and how would your parents react to..” they motioned towards themselves. “...me? it’s better if i just find a foster family. and plus, i just escaped from a living hell, and i wanna see the sights here, you know? not like i’ll be cooped up with my foster parents anyway, you know?” jesse nodded. “well, i know some people that can take you in... effective immediately. but... are you sure?” lake nodded in affirmation. “alright. i’ll talk to them.” she told them, standing up. lake was left with their pending question: what now? with school starting soon, jesse would be too busy to spend time with them, and there’s no way they could just hang around her house. they’d killed before, so that definitely left attending school with their best friend out of the question. lake groaned, punching the ground with their fist. why does this have to be so complicated? before their mind could wander any father, jesse came back with a grin on her face. “good news! they agreed to take you in!” she exclaimed. lake smiled back. “and the bad news?” “oh, what? there is no bad news!” she laughed. “guess i phrased that weird.” lake stood up, dusting the dirt off their jeans. “they’re ready to take you in, start filing papers and stuff. and hey! don’t forget to come back and tell me about them, alright?” lake nodded. “thanks, jesse.” she smiled, nodding back. “you’re welcome, lake. take care. we’ll talk soon, okay?” “definitely!” they called back, running off, a new chapter in their life beginning.


	2. Chapter 2

______

it wasn’t long before lake settled into their new home, however, it wasn’t quite as they’d expected. their foster parents were... quiet. even if they tried to open up a conversation, they’d blow them off and say they were busy. it grew more tiring as the day dragged on. finally, by nightfall, they decided to leave and return the next morning- the silence thickened, but at least became bearable. 

they allowed themselves to close their eyes, in an attempt to fall asleep. they soon found that their attempt was futile, and groaned in exasperation, letting out a sigh. 

usually, when lake couldn’t sleep, it didn’t matter. but now that they were off the train, they could rest all they wanted to. sighing, they grabbed their phone, dialing jesse’s number. a raspy voice sounded from the other end.

_ “lake? what are you doing up?”  _ she asked, yawning.

“i couldn’t sleep.” lake replied, turning over and holding the phone’s mic slightly closer to their face.

_ “how come?”  _ jesse asked tiredly.

“i don’t know, i think i’m just kinda... restless.” 

_ “ do you just wanna... talk?” _

“yeah.. that’d probably help.”

jesse was silent for a moment before speaking again.

_ “uh... how’s your foster family?” _

“honestly? really quiet. i tried talking to them but they brushed me aside. but uh... how’s your family doing?”

_ “they’re really glad i’m back. nate’s with me right now, he hasn’t taken his eyes off me since i’ve gotten back. he says he’s afraid i’ll leave again.” _

“aw. he sounds like a really good brother. i wish i had the chance to get to know him better...”

_ “oh hey! sorry to change the subject, but one of my neighbors is having a bonfire tomorrow. nobody i know is going, so i was wondering if you’d wanna come? my parents are staying home, no need to worry.” _

“ah... sure? why not.” lake could practically sense jesse’s smile from the other side of the line. 

_ “great. so ah...” _ she paused, once again.  _ “do you typically have a method to help you fall back asleep...?” _

“not necessarily. why, do you have any ideas?”

_ “you have to promise not to laugh.” _

“not sure i can promise that, cosay.”

_ “...when i was little, i had a lot of trouble sleeping. so... my parents would sing to me, and it helped me fall asleep. would you, uh... would you wanna try that?” _

lake blinked, holding back a laugh. her singing was atrocious, if anything, lake knew it’d keep them up rather than help them fall asleep. but...

“why not.”

maybe some entertainment would help them to laugh until they were tired enough to sleep.

surprisingly, though...

as jesse began to sing, lake felt... shocked. she started out with her breath shaky, then got more confident. lake didn’t know what she was singing, but it was beautiful. and, surely enough, lake began to grow tired. the song was calming, and jesse’s silky voice lulled them to sleep. 

just as lake was about to fall asleep, they said,

“how come you didn’t sing like that on the train?”

_ “i was... too embarrassed to sing seriously. i felt like you’d make fun of me.” _

“are you kidding? jesse, you have a beautiful voice.”

they could hear jesse laugh in thanks on the other end.

_ “are you okay now..? do you wanna get off call and try and sleep?” _

“actually? yeah. i feel... calmed. and tired.”

_ “i’m glad. goodnight, lake.” _

“goodnight, jess.”


	3. Chapter 3

_______

the following day, lake’s foster parents had returned. when they asked them if it was okay if they went to the bonfire with their friend, they said yes without a second thought. when the time came, lake left, meeting jesse nearby. 

“ready to go?”

lake nodded in response. the smell of bonfire filled their nostrils when they approached the neighbor’s backyard. 

“jess!” what lake presumed to be the hostess ran up to her with a smile. “who’s this beside you?”

“this is my friend, lake! they helped me escape the train.”

“hello.”

“very nice to meet you, lake!” she replied. “thanks for helping jessica! i don’t know what we would’ve done if she hadn’t come home to us.” the name made jesse wince, although it was hardly noticeable. 

“have a seat! we’re making s’mores pretty soon here.”

jesse fidgeted with her fingers before sitting in front of the fire. noticing her behavior, lake placed a hand on her shoulder.

“hey,” they whispered. “you okay?”

jesse nodded, though lake knew she was lying. but if she was nodding, lake knew it wasn’t their place to press further, so they leaned back instead, glancing at the stars. 

absentmindedly, lake began humming. it was the same tune that jesse had sung to help them fall asleep the night before. recognizing it almost immediately, jesse smiled, and hummed along. before long, the pair began singing. everyone around the fire watched them, but neither of them cared. even if they were being judged, it didn’t matter to them. 

when they’d finished singing, they both burst out laughing. mostly out of embarrassment, but it was joy inducing nonetheless. 

“not bad, lake.” jesse said after they’d finished.

“heh. not so bad yourself, jess.” 

their conversation ended as everyone turned to make s’mores. however, before lake had even tried, concern crept into their chest. 

“i cant get close to the fire.” they mumbled softly. 

“oh, right.. don’t worry! i’ll make a s’more for you!” 

lake smiled. 

“thanks.”


	4. Chapter 4

______

the rest of the night was a blur. there was karaoke, and other activities lake was too tired to remember. when the ‘party’ had ended, jesse approached lake anxiously.

“hey, lake?”

“hm?”

“do you... uh.. mind if i spend the night at your place..?”

“of course i don’t mind, but... how come? is everything okay?”

“yeah. but.. i really don’t wanna be... at home right now.”

“if it makes you feel safe and more comfortable, sure. i’m sure my foster parents won’t mind.”

“thank you.”

when they both arrived back at lake’s house, jesse immediately turned to them.

“do you have a restroom..?”

“what..? yeah, of course. it’s right around the corner.” they replied, pointing in the direction of the bathroom.

it wasn’t long before they heard muffled sobs from inside the bathroom.

“jesse? are you okay...?”

“yeah.. i just...” she sobbed harder, her face hidden in her hands. “i just... i started...”

“started what...?”

“my...” she sighed before speaking again. “my period.”

“...oh, right. uh, under the sink there should be an assortment.” still slightly confused, lake backed away from the door. jesse came out not that much later, her face stained with tears. lake motioned towards the couch.

“hey.. what’s up..?”

“lake, i...” she glanced away. “i..” _damn it... why is this so hard...?_  
“i’m trans.” she said at last.

“youre trans? that’s awesome!” lake replied enthusiastically. “that makes two of us, eh?”

“but i’m... not what you think i am...”

“what do you mean..?”

“i’m a guy.”

lake blinked, then a wave of realization hit them.

“oh... that’s why you’re upset... jesse, i’m-“ before they could finish, jesse collapsed against their chest, letting out a heavy sob.

“i’m not a real guy. i’m a disappointment. what will my parents say? they birthed a daughter, not a son.. they’re gonna hate me, nate’s gonna disown me... i’m such a failure...” he choked out.

“hey, hey,” lake soothed, rubbing his back. “it’s okay. it’s okay, jesse. your parents are understanding, aren’t they? and nate won’t disown you. he loves you. breathe. it’ll all be okay.”

“but.. i still have a mensural cycle.. and.. my voice.. hardly sounds masculine, and...”

“you don’t need to be male conforming to be trans, jesse. either way, you’re a man. you don’t have to be someone you don’t want to be. i know it’s hard, and i know it’s uncomfortable. but you can get through this, okay?”

jesse nodded into their chest.

“lake?”

“yeah?”

“i... think i wanna use he/they pronouns...”

“that’s valid! do you want me to practice them with you?” lake began to play with jesse’s hair as they spoke.

“that’d help.. a lot.”

“hm... let’s see...” lake paused for a moment. “have you met jesse? he’s my best friend! they’re super funny, and i never would’ve escaped the train without him. they give great hugs, he’s nice, and i love them with all my heart. i’d never trade my friendship with him for anything.”

“oh my god... that was the sweetest shit i’ve ever heard.” jesse laughed, wiping his tears. “i love you too. thanks.”

“no problem, dude. but really, you should get some sleep. you look exhausted.”

“yeah.. you’re right. but aren’t you going to sleep too? that’s just as important.”

“i... uh...” lake fidgeted with their shirt. “i have trouble sleeping... i’ll probably go to bed later.”

“ah, okay. the spare bedroom is around the corner, right?”

“yeah. goodnight, jess.”

“goodnight, lake. and... thanks.”

“always. that’s what friends do, right?”

with a smile, jesse nodded, and hugged them once more before heading off to bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i cried writing this lmao


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings for this chapter: nightmares, trauma/PTSD, language, character death, dysphoria (kinda?)

______

lake, once again, found themselves unable to sleep. every time they closed their eyes, their sleep was restless. they found themselves either way running or being chased. 

being chased by the flecs. by tulip. and now, by grace and simon. no matter what, they were always running and being chased.

that night wasn’t any different, especially since lake had just gotten off the train. mace’s words echoed through their mind as they drifted further away from a peaceful sleep. 

**_ “what do you think would happen if you were allowed off the train? you’d just go out into the world with your metal skin, your magic deer... and then what? high school? prom? you AND your prime? with parallel lives?” _ **

“it’s not like that... i’m my own person... i’m not a reflection anymore.”

“right. and what do you think your purpose is? you really think the train was created so you could escape? that’s where you were meant to be, sliver. you do realize your stubbornness ruined the balance, don’t you?”

“but it’s an unfair balance! why the hell should i have to live out someone else’s life?! i wanna make my own choices!”

“it’s not up to you! don’t you get it?!” mace barked. “the car wasn’t made so you can decide who you wanna be! there’s a balance our kind needs to keep in order for it to be stable. don’t you understand that this goes beyond you? you weren’t made so you could have a choice. you aren’t like a regular human being for a reason, sliver.”

“i don’t care about stability if it’s complete bs!” they yelled back. “i’m my own person! i shouldn’t have to live someone else’s life just because someone tells me to! our whole kinds’ ‘balance’ was built off of an unjust system!”

“ah, yeah?” mace’s voice lowered to a low mutter. “and what would that be?” 

“...that every reflection has to comply to your standards and live someone else’s life.”

“and how exactly is that unfair?”

“you... are you stupid?”

“avoiding the question? typical.”

“...!” lake stepped back. “because everyone has a right to their own life! you shouldn’t have to be someone you’re not.”

“look, kid. i know this is hard for you to grasp, but each society has its own laws to abide by. whether or not they’re fair isn’t up to you. and likewise, every community has its own structural system that it abides by to keep it stable. and ours is just as you’ve lived out. that’s how we keep everything balanced.”

“i...”

“and you really think that just because you’re off the train, you’re free? i’ll always be here in your mind to remind you of how much of a mistake you are and the mistakes you’ve made.”

“no..stop... you’re just in my head....!”

“am i, sliver girl?”

“you’re dead!” lake cried, falling to their knees, tears falling on the chrome surface beneath them. “you’re not here. this is all in my head.”

mace laughed. he laughed long, and insultingly. 

“maybe it is in your head. but i’m still here all the same, aren’t i, little chrome girl?”

“STOP calling me that! GET OUT OF MY HEAD!” 

lake charged towards him, his laughter echoing through theirskull in its entirety. they gripped their head, clearly losing control of their own sanity as the laughter grew louder.

lake gripped onto mace with all their might. glancing down, lake noticed a hole in the chrome floor. a huge wheel spun inside. whether or not lake had made that appear, they didn’t know. but they NEEDED to get mace out of their head. 

they began to drag him again. this time, it was harder. his body wasn’t half sawed off by a train wheel. he was whole again, his weight had drastically increased. 

“so what, gonna get rid of me again?” he sneered. “you’re not afraid of the guilt? this is your third murder, sliver.”

“....it’s not murder if you don’t even have the morals a person would.”

“i see. so, your definition of murder is when a person with human morals is killed? heh. funny, i don’t reminder there being a singular set of morals.”

“ARGGHH.. do you ever SHUT UP?! get out of my head!”

the wheel was in front of them both now. lake dragged mace towards the wheel, yanking him closer when they arrived. 

“sorry, flec. time’s up.”

before they could even toss him over, mace smirked, throwing himself from under their grasp and hanging lake over the edge instead.

“not this time.” he replied manically. 

lake‘s eyes widened. before they could even say anything else, mace released his grip, allowing lake to fall into the wheel, their body turning into nothing but a pile of slush.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> psa lake isn’t dead!!! probably should’ve clarified that better lmao,,, this is just a nightmare they had


	6. promise

_____

lake gasped. their entire body felt heavy. when they opened their eyes, they found the couch beneath them, and jesse sat worriedly in front of them.

it was just a dream. they were alive.

“you’re up..” jesse shifted. “are you okay?”

“huh... how did you..?”

“you were yelling in your sleep. i heard you and wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“i..” lake fell forward, sobbing into his chest.

“woah.. woah.. it’s okay. i’m here.”

“i had.. i had a bad dream... it’s mace, he...”

“breathe,” jesse coaxed. “breathe. what happened?”

they did as he said and took a long, deep breath.

“it’s mace. he can still... he’s in my head.”

“didn’t you... isn’t he dead?”

“i don’t know if it’s just me, or if he somehow... rebuilt himself in my brain, but... as soon as i closed my eyes, he was there. taunting me. making me feel worthless. we kept arguing. his voice was so loud...” they shuddered. “i tried to... get rid of him again. it was the only way to get him to shut up, but.. he.. wheeled me instead.”

“lake, that’s awful... i’m so sorry...”

“jesse, what if he’s right?! now that i’m off the train, i’ll have to leave my house if i wanna see anything... but i’m made of metal. how are people gonna react to me? what if i’m attacked? what if people try to hurt me again? nobody’s seen a metal person before. i don’t... they’re gonna judge me.. everyone, they...”

“hey... slow down, lake. it’ll be okay. you don’t have to leave right away, okay? and my neighbors liked you, didn’t they?”

“that’s because you told them it was a cosplay. and nobody bothered to touch me to see if you were lying, or even questioned it. but how long can we keep up that lie? word gets around fast. nobody wears a cosplay 24/7. i’m sure your mom’s heard of me by now.. she’ll get suspicious, then she’ll tell people the truth, and...”

jesse placed a hand on their shoulder.

“hey, i know it’s hard to not assume the worst, but... we’ll figure this out. okay? as long as you’re with me, lake, i won’t let anyone hurt you. you’re my friend, alright? you don’t have to do this alone.”

“thank you.”

“always.”

“....hey, jesse?”

“hmm?”

“promise me we’ll always stay friends?”

he smiled, glancing at the floor.

“i promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the last bit was heavily ib the lil jesslake dialogue from the yearbook owen got :’) it was super hard to read but i’m pretty sure that’s what it said LMAO
> 
> anyways that’s the end :D hope u enjoyed!


End file.
